A child’s family is the most important group in his/her life. Through family, we build an image of who we are and who God is, whether correct or incorrect. Because we are all sinners, our families all have some level of dysfunction, but God is not dysfunctional. He is wisdom, truth, and always has the correct perspective and a right character.
The four kids of dysfunction:
Hero – super kid, the little parent
Scapegoat – troublemaker
Loner – the quiet one who flies under the radar
Mascot – family or class clown
The first three children born into a family often assume the roles of the “hero,” “scapegoat,” and "loner". The fourth child can display characteristics of the “mascot” of the family. This is the family clown/comedian. This child generally assumes the role of keeping things light and cordial. They constantly tell jokes to make everything ok, and tend to hide their pain with humor.
A. What the mascot looks like on the outside:
- Funny, hysterical, anything for a laugh, cute, immature
B. What the mascot feels on the inside:
- Hides pain with humor, scared, feels inadequate
C. What the mascot means to the family:
- They bring comic relief to the family
- They help the family avoid issues
D. As an adult without help:
- Continues to build up pain
- Lets others tell them what to do too much
- Too much of a follower
- Never grows up
E. What the mascot can become:
- Can feel a range of emotion
- Can use laughter in good ways
- Learns to take the lead more
- Grows up into more responsibility
In this week's message, Pastor Miles examines the story of King David, Batsheba, Uriah, and Nathan. In this story, King David is reigning as the king of Israel. King David was very blessed and loved by God. In fact, the Bible says that David was a man after God's own heart. (1 Samuel 13:14) But David, as blessed as he was, made some big mistakes and sinned against God. Because of his mistakes, and God's loving mercy, David needed to be confronted and corrected.
The questions to ask yourself in this week's mesage are: can you be a person that God can use to confront others in love? And how do you go about confronting someone?
So, David is reigning as king over Israel. One night he looks down from the roof of his palace and sees Bathsheba taking a bath. Lusting in his heart, he sends for Bathsheba and sleeps with her (thereby committing adultery). Bathsheba becomes pregnant.
David, now ashamed and wanting to cover his tracks and hide his sin, sends for Uriah (Bathsheba's husband), who is currently at war. David's plan is to have Uriah sleep with Bathsheba, so everyone will think that the baby is Uriah's. However, Uriah refuses to sleep with Bathsheba, because it would be dishonorable and unfair to his fellow soldiers still at war.
So David, sends Uriah back to the war and commands Joab (the army commander), Put Uriah out in front where the fighting is fiercest. Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die. 2 Samuel 2:11
After Uriah died, David took Bathsheba to be his wife and to live in the palce and she bore a son. But the thing David has done displeased the Lord.
1. Be convinced that a PERMANENT solution is needed.
In order to fix dysfunctional behavior, something needs to change.
If something needs to be fixed, but you don't fix it, why not? What is preventing you from changing or confronting someone, even yourself?
Don't let your concern over what people might think prevent you from confrontation. The Bible says the Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. Proverbs 27:6
If you love someone, you will confront them when they need it.
2. You must present the FACTS without focus on the person.
When confronting someone your goal is not to be right. Your goal is to do the right thing. So when you confront someone, do not immediately accuse. You don't know all the facts and you'll never know the whole story.
Your goal is to go on a discovery mission not an accusatory mission.
3. Speak GOD'S Word to them with love.
When being confronted, it is important not to fight for, argue for, or defend your feelings, unless you can back it up with God's Word. Your desire should be to use the confrontation to better understand the truth, as David did when confronted by Nathan.
Be aware that God can use anyone to confront you. In the Bible God uses enemies and even animals to correct his people. Your goal, when being confronted is to focus, on understanding what and answering the questions, "What is the truth, and how can I be better aligned with God's will?"
Miles' Challenge: Who am I going to talk to this week? Maybe you need to talk to yourself in the mirror?