“I don’t love you anymore,” he said. I stood stunned, not sure I heard him correctly.
“What did you say?”
“It’s over between us. I don’t love you anymore.”
At the moment my head was reeling I wasn’t sure that my legs and body weren’t reeling as well. When your husband of 35 years tells you that nearly everything you base your life on no longer exists, it is a blow to every inch of your world. Your mind. Your spirit. Your body right down to your feet and sense of equilibrium. It’s also a blow to your children, extended family, friends, your sense of self, and who you believe the person in the mirror actually is. Your worth is destroyed. Your future is destroyed. Even your history is destroyed, because you thought it was one thing when it was something entirely different.
I loved my husband. But he loved someone else. It’s literally like being cut in half.
Ben and I lived a lovely life together. He was and still is an academic physician whose career has been on an upward trajectory ever since we met. As he was offered greater and greater positions, we moved around from place to place and I gave up my career to protect his. I took care of nearly everything so he could focus on his job, and if one were to see our lifestyle, it would be abundantly clear that it had paid off. We didn’t live opulently, but we had a beautiful home in a spectacular neighborhood in Texas and none of life’s pleasures were held back from us.
But as our breakup began to roll out, and my home was being taken from me, and I had no money of my own, I had to stay with my sister to keep from being homeless. Truth is, I was homeless, I just didn’t live on the streets.
In the new, stripped-down version of my life, I found a level of pain I never would have thought possible. Seeing my desperation, my niece introduced me to a therapist she knew, and of all the prayers I prayed to God for healing, therapist Kelli Adame, from San Diego, may be the one I cherish most. It was like God had provided an angel to walk beside me and help lift me up off the floor. She was, and is, spectacular.
In the new, stripped-down version of my life, I found a level of pain I never would have thought possible.
In time, my lawyer suggested I hire a forensic CPA to do what he suspected was the truth about Ben. It ended being a godsend. Ben had hidden money in different accounts and financial vehicles all over the place—enough that I knew I’d be okay.
But it was in the course of the many phone conversations and visits with Kelli that I began to reveal something that rather startled her. I didn’t know anything about finances, and more horrifying still, through the course of my marriage to Ben, I didn’t know one thing about my own household finances; not what my husband made, or where it was, or how many accounts or investments we had. That is when she told me about Rock Financial Life (RFL). Even though in my divorce settlement, I would likely have access to much of the money that my husband tried to hide, I still had to live the rest of my life. If I was going to have a chance at making it to the end not broke and destitute, I’d have to know how to manage money. I was so excited I did four or five RFL lessons online that night. What is amazing is that there, in the middle of my darkest moments, a sense of peace began to seep in.
Fast forward. I eventually moved to San Diego to live, be close to my grandkids and Kelli, and attend the Rock where I completed the RFL course. Today, one year later, I am single, 62, and unemployed, but I am armed with God’s wisdom for financial stewardship. And with that, I feel empowered beyond what I can explain. I am not alone. God is with me. He shows up every day in the godly principles I employ. I am excited about my future. Were it not for RFL, the principles they preach, their prayers, and their loving and kind words, it would not be so. Jason Batt, from the RFL Ministry, looked me in the eye and said when I needed it most, “Susan, you’re going to be okay.” How that comforted me!
Lastly, one of the principles that RFL teaches is that married couples should be full partners in all things financial—coming together to conduct everything from making investments to balancing the checkbook. It’s how you build a future: together. I now see this as partly where I went wrong in my marriage. I abdicated all of that responsibility to Ben, and when one spouse does that, I believe the other is given the opportunity to ultimately exploit it. Trust is the foundation of marriage.
My suggestion is that all married couples attend RFL and get God’s wise tools for your financial life. It can only enhance your world and allow you to live in peace.
To learn more about RFL or to sign up for one of the upcoming financial classes, click here.