Anita lived in fear until she learned her identity and purpose in Christ. Today she lives confidently in the freedom God has given her. This is her story.
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I used to think that I didn’t have a testimony. I thought that my story was too basic and didn’t seem to be radical enough like so many others. But I’ve learned that testimony is God’s story of redemption and transformation. We should delight in sharing what He’s doing.
For all of my life, I considered myself a Christian because I grew up going to church, but I didn’t understand who God was, or what it means to have a relationship with Him, let alone what prayer was, and I had no desire learn.
We went to church mostly out of obligation because that’s what you did on Sundays.
I was a straight A student in school until my parents divorced while I was in the 6th grade. When my mom and I moved away from my hometown, my grades plummeted. I no longer had a desire to go to school, and I became extremely shy. My mom partied, went out with different men, and many nights she didn’t come home until late. We were poor. I was very lonely, and it was hard to make friends.
We moved back to my hometown where I started my freshmen year of high school. My mom remarried. I lived part time with her and part time with my dad and brother. One day I went back to my mom and stepdad’s home to find it almost empty. My stepdad had already moved, and my mom was ready to follow. She didn’t tell any of us about their plan. She soon left, and we didn’t hear much from her over the next 20 years.
I began permanently living at my dad’s house, but he was not present. My brother and I barely saw him, and he hardly provided for our needs. When I saw him, he was living a complete partying lifestyle and was more of a roommate than a parent. There was no one to encourage or love me, to guide me, or show interest.
I accepted my first job before I turned 16 and quickly learned how to be a survivor. If I needed something, I got it on my own. I forfeited a potential college scholarship because I needed to work and take care of myself. Going to college and having a future wasn’t on my radar. Going to church was barely a thought. And when I thought about God, it was merely an acknowledgment of Jesus as God’s son, but nothing more. Couldn’t I continue to live my life the way I wanted to but still believe in Jesus?
All throughout my 20’s, I kept striving to find happiness which I thought was found in people, a good job, and better education; having more things and a family. I felt like I was in the dark always grasping for something but could never get a hold of it.
I partied, got in unhealthy relationships, and hung out with a lot of people who weren’t true friends. I ended up in some dangerous situations that God spared me from. I was not financially responsible and couldn’t fully commit to anything. I was desperate for love and peace. I would get so anxious and worried that I felt sick and could barely eat. I was never satisfied.
My life started to change one day when I saw my Bible sitting on the shelf. I felt drawn to go to church. I started occasionally going and attending a home fellowship. But I didn’t know how to pray. I didn’t understand the Bible or how to read it.
A friend lived in San Diego, and I tried to move here when I was 28, but none of my plans came together. After that, for the first time, I lifted my hands and asked God to be the Lord and Savior of my life. One year later He moved me to San Diego!
I immediately started attending church and somewhat got involved, but still felt out of place. My heart was divided because I was still living a very worldly lifestyle. But one day in my early thirties I decided that I wanted to put God first. God made it very clear that we have two choices. We either follow Him, or we’re living for the devil. There is no in between.
As I purposed to seek Him, I realized I needed deep inner healing that only God could do. I realized that I have felt unloved, unwanted, abandoned and rejected since my childhood. From that hurt place, I made a lot of poor choices in my life.
When I joined Rock School of Ministry, I felt complacent and apathetic in my walk with Christ. I wanted to know Him better. I wanted to know what an identity is and my purpose because I’ve been seeking that for the majority of my life, and I was tired.
I thought that since I had been a Christian for so many years that I would have a small learning curve, but I quickly saw how much about God I didn’t know or how to be a disciple of Christ.
I’ve learned that my identity is that I am an adopted daughter of my Father in Heaven no matter what happens with people. My purpose is to know God and make Him known to others. It’s not in people, an education or a job. This brings so much freedom! I’m at peace and filled with joy that only comes from Him!
Through God’s healing of inner wounds and making me a complete person in Christ, I now understand His love. I’ve learned how to forgive and not let bitterness grow.
Prov. 3:5-6 has become such a part of my testimony: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and he will direct your path.”
It’s a daily process to lean on Him and not yourself or your own thoughts, but it’s the most peaceful place to be. I encourage you to meditate on His word daily and seek Him with your whole heart. The Creator who formed you is beckoning you to seek Him more. You were created to know Him and make Him known. I believe God is inviting many of you to come to Rock School of Ministry and spend just one year of your life to learn how to know Him more and seek Him in a profound way. I joined with only $50 and no resource for tuition. It seemed illogical and was the biggest step of faith I’ve ever taken, but God showed up in amazing ways! I’ve seen Him work miracles. This has truly been the best year of my life!
