It is natural to desire male-female relationships, for even small children often imagine that someday they will have a spouse. We naturally pursue these relationships because God created us to have this type of connection with the opposite sex.
We read last week that as God was creating the world, there was one thing He created that He stated was “not good,” and this was for man to be alone. Therefore, God made woman from a rib of the man (to be his side-by-side companion). Together in Eden they were naked and “not ashamed.” Pastor Miles elaborated on this, teaching that Adam and Eve’s nakedness was more than physical—it was emotional, spiritual, and mental as well. There was no need to hide anything of feel ashamed, because there was no sin.
1. Men and women are compatibly wired to develop a safe haven. Ephesians 5:21-33
In every relationship between two people, there are two roles fulfilled. One role is not more significant or dominant over the other; they are just different and complimentary:
- The Gatekeeper protects relationship.
This is usually the man, as the male-dominant hormone, testosterone, provides the need to conquer, protect, and provide for everyone in his care.
- The Nurturer bonds the relationship.
This role is usually fulfilled by the woman. She is the caring one, the guard of the heart, making sure that those in her care are comfortable, loved, and encouraged.
God created both the man and the woman so that both roles could be fulfilled, making a safe haven. In the context of an environment where both roles are fulfilled, it is safe to take risks, to trust. The woman feels loved, valued, and pursued, and the man feels respected and supported. Husband and wife both honor each other and submit to each other. When this safe haven is not the reality of a relationship, the couple involved will struggle, fight, and be uncomfortable. This is because God created us to be in a safe haven relationship and we long for that as the standard. (See Ephesians 5:21-33.)
2. Men and women are compatibly wired for lifelong oneness. Genesis 2:18-25
- Sex: shameless one-flesh union (This does not refer to shamelessness in the eyes of man, but in the eyes of God.) God took the woman from the rib of the man, and he brings them back together in unity with sex.
- Dopamine: pleasure
- Testosterone: drive
- Oxytocin and Vasopressin: glue or bonding
- Intimacy: sharing your innermost self
- Mirror Neurons: mirrored action and feeling
These allow humans to feel empathy and relate to another in a way no other living being is able to do.
- Face to face intimacy
Humans are the only beings who mate face to face. God created the human sexual relationship distinct and separate from all other living beings.
In the two hemispheres of the brain, facts and feelings are managed on opposite sides. When there is “shameless oneness” between a committed husband and wife, the feelings of elation mix with the facts about the other person. Both sides of the brain fire neurons simultaneously, and create an amazing phenomenon of memory, connection, and recognition in the brain that drives a husband and wife back to each other, bonding them together as the neurons are wired together.
3. Men and women are compatibly wired as a salvation metaphor.
God did not want man to be alone because He wanted man to experience the joy of relationship as He does. In creating man and woman as suitable mates, He created a metaphor for His own relationship with His people.
- Marriage, like salvation, is a blood covenant. Deuteronomy 22:13-30
In Old Testament times, the sheets of the wedding night were used to prove the woman’s virginity. God seals the woman shut until the marriage is consummated, as a blood covenant, just as Jesus shed His blood under the new covenant between God and His people.
- Sex, like salvation, is a one-flesh union. Genesis 2:25, John 17
When you accept Christ, you become one with Him. He gives you abundant life (John 10:10) and eternal life (John 3:16).
- Sex, like salvation, is a life-giving union. Genesis 1:28
God uses the union of man and woman to create new human life.
- Marriage is compatible with the celebration in heaven. Revelation 19:6-9